Who did Billy Mays play for?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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