she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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