How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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