you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
