There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
