Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
