Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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