I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
