I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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