Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
