You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
