in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
