He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
