My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
