she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
