He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
