I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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