You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
