Tell her she can't have a vagina
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
