Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
