my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
