She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
