make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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