direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
