i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
