If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
