I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
