I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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