Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
