I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
