I wish my penis had an off switch
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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