Will you blow on my dice?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
