Need sex. Gaining weight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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