his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
