i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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