Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
