O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
