Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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