Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
