I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
