Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
