i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
