We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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