i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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