Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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