Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize