Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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