This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
