I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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