Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
