In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
