i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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