Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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