Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
