Farmville is her only friend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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