Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
