I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
