If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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