Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I intend to get homeless drunk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
