Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
