I cut my penus on the lid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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