I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
