I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
