I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
