If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
