I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize