i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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