Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
