I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
