You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
