I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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