Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize