There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
