So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do vagina's smell?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
