Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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