He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
