Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
