just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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