You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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