Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
