I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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