I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
