I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
